reclaiming the reins

I realized something recently, and it wasn’t exactly comfortable.

I woke up, checked my phone, and within seconds my mood shifted.

Nothing happened to me.
No one said anything.
No crisis. No confrontation.

Just… a feeling.

And that’s when it hit me.

Somewhere along the way, I had handed someone else the reins to my emotional state.

Not intentionally.
Not dramatically.
Just… quietly.

A post here.
A meme there.
A memory resurfacing.
A casual “wait… what did that mean?” spiral.

And suddenly my nervous system was riding shotgun while someone else drove- confidently, inconsistently, and with absolutely no concern for my peace.

Here’s the thing no one really talks about:

Most people who affect us deeply aren’t bad people.

They’re just inconsistent.

And inconsistency is exhausting when you’re emotionally invested.

Because your brain keeps trying to solve something that was never meant to be solved. Like a puzzle with missing pieces. Or IKEA furniture with one screw mysteriously gone. You keep thinking, If I just stare at this long enough, it’ll make sense. Right? Right??

So you start waiting for:

• clarity

• reassurance

• resolution

• a “turnaround”

• or at least a sign from the universe that isn’t aggressively vague

And without realizing it, you’ve let someone else decide how your day feels.

That’s not empowerment.
That’s outsourcing your peace.

The hard truth I had to sit with was this:

Peace doesn’t come from closing your heart.
It comes from closing the gap between what you need and what you tolerate.

Taking the reins back doesn’t mean slamming doors or burning bridges or declaring yourself “done forever”.

It means being honest about what your nervous system can handle right now.

Sometimes it looks like saying:

“I’m still open - but I can’t stay this exposed without consistency or clarity.”

And then acting accordingly.

That might mean muting.
It might mean stepping back.
It might mean creating space without deciding the ending.

Not as punishment.
Not as judgment.
But as protection.

Because no one is entitled to unlimited access to your inner world - even people you care about.
Even people who once mattered.
Even people who almost became something.

Your happiness isn’t a group project.
It doesn’t require consensus.
And it doesn’t have to wait for someone else to figure themselves out.

You’re allowed to stay open and self-protective.
You’re allowed to care and choose peace.
You’re allowed to leave the door unlocked without standing in the doorway getting knocked around.

So if you’ve been feeling off lately, ask yourself gently:

Who’s holding the reins right now?